Friday, September 04, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
smitten
i walked out in my sweats last night and declared "i am a bum tonight."
he replied, "you're beautiful."
he replied, "you're beautiful."
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
dear cookie
i love you in all your want-to-be roundness peppered with chocolate chips.
i love the way you gaze up adoringly at me from your cellophane wrapper.
i love you more because you were free.
but seriously. i had a plan to eat you at 2 or 3 today, you know, when the afternoon doldrums hit. but your smell, which i would normally swoon over, is tempting me too soon and im starting to resent you a bit.
i love the way you gaze up adoringly at me from your cellophane wrapper.
i love you more because you were free.
but seriously. i had a plan to eat you at 2 or 3 today, you know, when the afternoon doldrums hit. but your smell, which i would normally swoon over, is tempting me too soon and im starting to resent you a bit.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Monday, May 04, 2009
heads up seven up- catch up
lets see...
i moved:
its a big blue house. it needs lots of tlc. its right by the lake that i liked to run around when i ran. (will try again today for the first time since my fall). im sad to leave the view of the old apartment. thats really about it though. now im sweating pipes and weedwacking with my boyfriend.
oh yeah, i have a boyfriend:
it doesnt seem like the right word to call him that but we will leave it there. ill save you the mushy stuff- we've already covered that in previous posts. its been several months but it seems like its been forever and it seems like it was just yesterday. i could lie and tell you i didnt see it coming... at any rate, he owns the house and hes the bees knees.
i went to hawaii:
i went with a former domestic partner- miss lisa kucik. we met up in the honolulu airport and proceeded to get drunk and tan all week (well, ok, she was already tan. i got burned). there was pearl harbor and the north shore. there was snorkeling and ogling. and there was the best slushie ive ever had. hawaii is an excellent place to recover from a cold.
misc:
i learned to shoot a shotgun. my arm is sore.
la isla in ballard has delicious puerto rican food and tasty mojitos.
our current (and first) house guest is super self sufficient.
someone left a dead rat on the railing outside.
my mentees stood me up yesterday.
and i think that brings us up to date...
id also like to send a little interweb love to the baker badgleys who came through a crisis with flying colors. im glad everything is a-ok now. xo
i moved:
its a big blue house. it needs lots of tlc. its right by the lake that i liked to run around when i ran. (will try again today for the first time since my fall). im sad to leave the view of the old apartment. thats really about it though. now im sweating pipes and weedwacking with my boyfriend.
oh yeah, i have a boyfriend:
it doesnt seem like the right word to call him that but we will leave it there. ill save you the mushy stuff- we've already covered that in previous posts. its been several months but it seems like its been forever and it seems like it was just yesterday. i could lie and tell you i didnt see it coming... at any rate, he owns the house and hes the bees knees.
i went to hawaii:
i went with a former domestic partner- miss lisa kucik. we met up in the honolulu airport and proceeded to get drunk and tan all week (well, ok, she was already tan. i got burned). there was pearl harbor and the north shore. there was snorkeling and ogling. and there was the best slushie ive ever had. hawaii is an excellent place to recover from a cold.
misc:
i learned to shoot a shotgun. my arm is sore.
la isla in ballard has delicious puerto rican food and tasty mojitos.
our current (and first) house guest is super self sufficient.
someone left a dead rat on the railing outside.
my mentees stood me up yesterday.
and i think that brings us up to date...
id also like to send a little interweb love to the baker badgleys who came through a crisis with flying colors. im glad everything is a-ok now. xo
Monday, April 13, 2009
why thursday was the best day ever (1,000,410 points)
morning (31 points):
i woke up in my new house (+10 points)
and snuggled for a while (+10 points)
i took a shower with the leaky faucet that calls itself a showerhead (-5 points)
but still ended up with a good hair day that did not involve a headband (+3 points)
i went out to catch the late bus (-2 points)
but got there in time to catch the early one that was running a little behind (+4 points)
i splurged on a croissant and iced coffee (+4 points (+2 points for each))
and pinged kjtashi a happy birthday (+10 points)
midday (12 points):
it was sunny (+5 points)
i had leftover lunch which meant $0 extra out of pocket (+4 points)
work was uneventful. (+0 points)
coworkers emailed to-do items for hawaii which made me more excited. (+3 points)
evening (1,00,367 points):
kristel picked me up from work (+4 points)
and we headed to tacoma (-2 points)
dinner was gluttonous at jack in the box (+5 points)
rum in to-go cups made a great dessert (+3 points)
we found a magical parking spot (+5 points)
and made some friends in line (+1 point)
went to front of line at will call (+2 points)
to find out they didnt have my name listed (-50 points)
tried the contest notifiers name to no avail (-60 points)
tried teh promoters name to no avail (-70 points)
decided to drown our sorrows at a bar in seattle instead (-100 points)
decide to random guy now lovingly known as john as a last ditch effort (+0 points)
john decides to let us in AND upgrade us (+500 points)
john shows us to upgraded section 10 feet from stage (+1,000,000 points)
show starts just as we get in (+100 points)
show ends and we find car quickly (+3 points)
ideal parking spot leads to easy access to i-5 (+3 points)
traffic jam is avoided by sneaky off ramp on ramp maneuver (+3 points)
get back to new house (+10 points)
snuggle some more (+10 points)
i woke up in my new house (+10 points)
and snuggled for a while (+10 points)
i took a shower with the leaky faucet that calls itself a showerhead (-5 points)
but still ended up with a good hair day that did not involve a headband (+3 points)
i went out to catch the late bus (-2 points)
but got there in time to catch the early one that was running a little behind (+4 points)
i splurged on a croissant and iced coffee (+4 points (+2 points for each))
and pinged kjtashi a happy birthday (+10 points)
midday (12 points):
it was sunny (+5 points)
i had leftover lunch which meant $0 extra out of pocket (+4 points)
work was uneventful. (+0 points)
coworkers emailed to-do items for hawaii which made me more excited. (+3 points)
evening (1,00,367 points):
kristel picked me up from work (+4 points)
and we headed to tacoma (-2 points)
dinner was gluttonous at jack in the box (+5 points)
rum in to-go cups made a great dessert (+3 points)
we found a magical parking spot (+5 points)
and made some friends in line (+1 point)
went to front of line at will call (+2 points)
to find out they didnt have my name listed (-50 points)
tried the contest notifiers name to no avail (-60 points)
tried teh promoters name to no avail (-70 points)
decided to drown our sorrows at a bar in seattle instead (-100 points)
decide to random guy now lovingly known as john as a last ditch effort (+0 points)
john decides to let us in AND upgrade us (+500 points)
john shows us to upgraded section 10 feet from stage (+1,000,000 points)
show starts just as we get in (+100 points)
show ends and we find car quickly (+3 points)
ideal parking spot leads to easy access to i-5 (+3 points)
traffic jam is avoided by sneaky off ramp on ramp maneuver (+3 points)
get back to new house (+10 points)
snuggle some more (+10 points)
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
hits from the bong...
marsha, suzanne, deb"i always thought she was a wise kid," she tells me.
"well mom, i made good-ish decisions all my life, but i still drank as a teenager."
*gasp*
"well," she says, "i really only worried about you using drugs and having unprotected sex. you arent having unprotected sex now are you?"
i offered up that i tried pot towards the end of high school but didnt develop a love affair with it until college.
"i like pot," she proclaims.
"i thought i was going to smoke with you in vegas, since suzanne [her pothead best friend] was coming," i admitted.
"oh, i got stoned with suzanne last week in miami."
*gasp*
"your dad doesnt know."
heh. deb.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
last will and testament
seriously folks.
i have major heartburn.
and you know me.
you know im thinking this is the end.
if so, you can fight amongst yourselves for my wicked cd collection. theres some ace of base up in there.
i have major heartburn.
and you know me.
you know im thinking this is the end.
if so, you can fight amongst yourselves for my wicked cd collection. theres some ace of base up in there.
Monday, March 16, 2009
WARNING: sugary sweet
im not sure if its the newness. im not sure if it felt like this in the beginning with the other people. i dont remember anything like this. im not sure what it is. but its right. and its easy and its comfortable. and i dont know what to do with it. and i know exactly what to do with it.
god, im giving MYSELF a cavity.
god, im giving MYSELF a cavity.
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
dear john.blogspot.com
some of you out there have blogs.
some of you write almost daily, filling my head with whimsical stories. we laugh together. we cry. we cheer, we ooh and aw at baby pictures. its an amazing relationship. it has the makings to last.
alas, girls always like the assholes- the ones that play hard to get.
and that leads me to the rest of you.
you know who you are.
you court me with a series of postings. maybe there will be pictures. maybe even a shout out. but as time passes and i become attached, you grow distant and silent. a daily post turns into a weekly one. then into once a month. and then, THEN, its like you dont even remember your blogger name.
come back to me. i can be better, i promise.
some of you write almost daily, filling my head with whimsical stories. we laugh together. we cry. we cheer, we ooh and aw at baby pictures. its an amazing relationship. it has the makings to last.
alas, girls always like the assholes- the ones that play hard to get.
and that leads me to the rest of you.
you know who you are.
you court me with a series of postings. maybe there will be pictures. maybe even a shout out. but as time passes and i become attached, you grow distant and silent. a daily post turns into a weekly one. then into once a month. and then, THEN, its like you dont even remember your blogger name.
come back to me. i can be better, i promise.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
mandy...
...is tipsy.
...told you to be patient. told you to be kind.
...is more into lying around than working.
...feels a cold coming on.
...appreciates sundays more.
...wants to know what happened between gretchen and ryan!
...could sleep for days on end.
...is pale.
...wishes she was tan.
...doesnt know the proper subject etiquette for status updates. she? me?
...needs a pedicure.
...also needs a manicure.
...is freaked out about not being freaked out.
...will be holding all the tickets. you'll be holding all the fines.
...dropped her phone again (my phone again?)
...thinks the cast is cute. but would like to walk.
...is excited for some bbq saturday.
...thinks sheep are funny.
...feels a good year coming on. for several people.
...found a new and improved use for chopsticks.
...is in love with the hagen daas in her freezer.
...has to pee. is too lazy to move.
...loves when evenings turn into iphone parties.
...is thinking about hawaii.
...is waiting on a moment.
...is curious what the magic number is for blog readers.
...loves watching adults try to use "new" technology.
...misses her nieces and nephews.
...wants a glimpse of where she will be a year from now. 5 years from now. 10 years.
...had to pry herself out of the hagen daas container in her freezer.
...is thinking about prosciutto arugula pizza again.
...doesnt think the phish tour will be the same. ship.has.sailed.
...wants to dance.
...forgot to bring a candy cane to work.
...is sad.
...is over the candy cane. on to m&ms. screw you candy cane.
...will go see some hatch posters at lunch.
...planned on being mischievous.
...had to look up how to spell mischievous.
...thinks she mispronounces mischievous, thusly spelling it wrong.
...wants to join a community orchestra.
...will establish a budget tonight.
...is thinking of whipping up some cookies. requests?
...thinks it took too long to write this. imagines it could go on for days.
...told you to be patient. told you to be kind.
...is more into lying around than working.
...feels a cold coming on.
...appreciates sundays more.
...wants to know what happened between gretchen and ryan!
...could sleep for days on end.
...is pale.
...wishes she was tan.
...doesnt know the proper subject etiquette for status updates. she? me?
...needs a pedicure.
...also needs a manicure.
...is freaked out about not being freaked out.
...will be holding all the tickets. you'll be holding all the fines.
...dropped her phone again (my phone again?)
...thinks the cast is cute. but would like to walk.
...is excited for some bbq saturday.
...thinks sheep are funny.
...feels a good year coming on. for several people.
...found a new and improved use for chopsticks.
...is in love with the hagen daas in her freezer.
...has to pee. is too lazy to move.
...loves when evenings turn into iphone parties.
...is thinking about hawaii.
...is waiting on a moment.
...is curious what the magic number is for blog readers.
...loves watching adults try to use "new" technology.
...misses her nieces and nephews.
...wants a glimpse of where she will be a year from now. 5 years from now. 10 years.
...had to pry herself out of the hagen daas container in her freezer.
...is thinking about prosciutto arugula pizza again.
...doesnt think the phish tour will be the same. ship.has.sailed.
...wants to dance.
...forgot to bring a candy cane to work.
...is sad.
...is over the candy cane. on to m&ms. screw you candy cane.
...will go see some hatch posters at lunch.
...planned on being mischievous.
...had to look up how to spell mischievous.
...thinks she mispronounces mischievous, thusly spelling it wrong.
...wants to join a community orchestra.
...will establish a budget tonight.
...is thinking of whipping up some cookies. requests?
...thinks it took too long to write this. imagines it could go on for days.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Monday, January 05, 2009
new years resolutions
last year i resolved to get in shape... and i DID lose 160 lbs. couldnt ask for a better outcome.
*wink*
this year id like to:
become more fluent in spanish
resolve my finances
write more letters and send more care packages
walk
happy 2009 y'all. its already turning out to be a good one.
Monday, December 29, 2008
i like it.
The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we have of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us.
- Quentin Crisp
- Quentin Crisp
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
it snowed- did you notice?
holy shut down city.
is this shit ever gonna melt? (i not so secretly love it).
pictures from the storm:
is this shit ever gonna melt? (i not so secretly love it).
pictures from the storm:
the beginning
from my neigborhood
backyard
bus accident
backyard
bus accident
accumulation
boots, day 1
boots, day 3
urban cross country
urban cross country take 2
boots, day 1
boots, day 3
urban cross country
urban cross country take 2
snow apparatuses- apparati?
snow apparatuses take 2
snow apparatuses take 2
Friday, December 19, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
free ice skating monday
the romantic in me has always wanted to go ice skating and holds hands with a boy. we would skate around. i would fall. he would catch me. we would kiss in the snow...
the realist in me has decided its a weird uncomfortable thing. its a small circle. people are holding hands because they feel like they should. its crowded. its not snowing. its freezing. my feet hurt.
i took my mentees. thats a WAY better time.
fantasy dissolved.
the realist in me has decided its a weird uncomfortable thing. its a small circle. people are holding hands because they feel like they should. its crowded. its not snowing. its freezing. my feet hurt.
i took my mentees. thats a WAY better time.
fantasy dissolved.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
i fucking knew it...
dear moon,
stop fucking with everyone!!!!!
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2008/12/081211-biggest-brightest-moon.html
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2008/12/081211-biggest-brightest-moon.html
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
boring blog. and a bday shout out.
hmm.
its mid-ish december. did you know that already?
somehow this year FLEW by. that always scars me. ive heard the older you get the faster a year seems to pass- which makes sense, because in the scheme of things, youve seen more of them. but with how quickly this year seemed to pass- i mean, seriously, in a blink of an eye- im a little freaked out that the rest of my life is going to use nitro boost. is that what happens? will some years go slower than others? are those the bad years? ooh, look at that. thinking that this year was a great year, hence the speed...
speaking of which, i told beth today at hh sushi and sake that i had a "what the hell was i thinking" moment in the car. seriously folks. WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?! no regrets of course, but really?! heh. heh. its like a really weird twisted funny lesson.
moving on.
my parents are coming into town this weekend. then they are leaving for a week. but then coming back. all you seattle orphans out there are welcome to my house for christmas. theres always lots of board games and drinking and standard midwest holiday fare, green bean casserole and all. my parents are fun. ill ask them to bring the face paint. (watching peoples reactions to that story makes it one of my favorite stories to tell... ahh, my parents, the carnies)
hmm. what else?
theres a sound outside that sounds a little like a rattling, but ive been playing this video game for so long that it sounds like the beetles i have to kill. i get weird about video games.
i saw twilight this weekend with my mentees. ive seen the lead guy in interviews and just really want to brush his hair. my mentees said that makes me sound old. then i saw him in the movie and suddenly want to date a 17 year old vampire. is that so wrong?
sigh.
i should go to bed. i hope my room doesnt smell. i spackled the holes in my wall. does spackle smell? i need paint though. the one i bought was too white.
oh and!
dinner tomorrow. happy birthday hot pants. we're gonna flirt the hell out of 29.
its mid-ish december. did you know that already?
somehow this year FLEW by. that always scars me. ive heard the older you get the faster a year seems to pass- which makes sense, because in the scheme of things, youve seen more of them. but with how quickly this year seemed to pass- i mean, seriously, in a blink of an eye- im a little freaked out that the rest of my life is going to use nitro boost. is that what happens? will some years go slower than others? are those the bad years? ooh, look at that. thinking that this year was a great year, hence the speed...
speaking of which, i told beth today at hh sushi and sake that i had a "what the hell was i thinking" moment in the car. seriously folks. WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?! no regrets of course, but really?! heh. heh. its like a really weird twisted funny lesson.
moving on.
my parents are coming into town this weekend. then they are leaving for a week. but then coming back. all you seattle orphans out there are welcome to my house for christmas. theres always lots of board games and drinking and standard midwest holiday fare, green bean casserole and all. my parents are fun. ill ask them to bring the face paint. (watching peoples reactions to that story makes it one of my favorite stories to tell... ahh, my parents, the carnies)
hmm. what else?
theres a sound outside that sounds a little like a rattling, but ive been playing this video game for so long that it sounds like the beetles i have to kill. i get weird about video games.
i saw twilight this weekend with my mentees. ive seen the lead guy in interviews and just really want to brush his hair. my mentees said that makes me sound old. then i saw him in the movie and suddenly want to date a 17 year old vampire. is that so wrong?
sigh.
i should go to bed. i hope my room doesnt smell. i spackled the holes in my wall. does spackle smell? i need paint though. the one i bought was too white.
oh and!
dinner tomorrow. happy birthday hot pants. we're gonna flirt the hell out of 29.
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
im pretty sure its a stroke.
it smells like an electrical fire... or possibly peanut butter... up in here.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
giving thanks.
this thanksgiving was delicious. it was filled with sloth and gluttony- as all good thanksgivings should be. it also made me realize we are ALL initially uncomfortable being sincere and thankful on a moments notice. but here we go...
i am thankful for the family i chose. this year has been a real humdinger as it relates to how i understand and accept my family. i will always love them to the core of me, but there are some people i realize are there to love and despise me LIKE a family should moreso than members of my family do. and for that, i am thankful. i am thankful for the deep seeded look of love coupled with the rolling eyes of annoyance. i am thankful for the people who have answered my late night calls, sent me cards and chocolate, shown up to my door at a moments notice and been there to drink with to help me forget, remember and just to have fun. these people are my sisters and my brothers. moms. dads and children all rolled in to one. and if you are reading this, you are probably one of those people. i am eternally grateful.
i am thankful for the family i DO have. i am forever endebted to my parents, whom, i have begun to realize, are pretty fun and incredible people. im grateful to realize this now, rather than later so that i can celebrate WITH them. my brothers are my brothers. i dont think i will ever understand them completely, nor will they ever understand me. but we love each other. and for that, i have an underlying appreciation. i am thankful for my nieces and nephews and was so excited to see them recently- to realize they are becomming really neat people. i miss them more than i can explain.
i am thankful for the new found self realization that i am ok. its more than a fog lifting. its more than a clarity and peace of mind. its a come to jesus moment in which i have realized its been a LONG while since ive been myself. truly truly myself. and now that i have had the opportunity to find that again, i have realized i actually like myself. and for that, i am, in a way, thankful for the twists and turns 2008 has offered. it was a forced moment and i had no idea at the time it would take a turn this way. in case you didnt know (in a moment of tooting my own horn) im discovering im a pretty fucking cool person.
i am thankful for being free- in so many senses (is that right?) of the word. i am, of course thankful for the rights i have- though i know no differently so its hard to truly appreicate. i am thankful i have been raised to make the right decisions in order to maintain those freedoms. lately though, ive been excited and proud of the idea of living life for me only- making decisions on a whim because i want to- and because i can.
to steal one from billy (i think)- i am also thankful to experience a sense of calm and hope in this world. i am grateful to have been alive and been a part of one of the most amazing moments in american history. i realized the other day i was watching obamas interviews recently in a subconcious way to hold on to this figure that inspired so much in me. and then i realized that he will be around for at LEAST the next four years. and it becomes my moment to exhale in relief. for that, i thank ohio. finally.
i am, in general, just thankful. its been a doosie of a year and im glad for every moment thus far that has gotten me here. good or bad, i wouldnt change any of them.
i am thankful for the family i chose. this year has been a real humdinger as it relates to how i understand and accept my family. i will always love them to the core of me, but there are some people i realize are there to love and despise me LIKE a family should moreso than members of my family do. and for that, i am thankful. i am thankful for the deep seeded look of love coupled with the rolling eyes of annoyance. i am thankful for the people who have answered my late night calls, sent me cards and chocolate, shown up to my door at a moments notice and been there to drink with to help me forget, remember and just to have fun. these people are my sisters and my brothers. moms. dads and children all rolled in to one. and if you are reading this, you are probably one of those people. i am eternally grateful.
i am thankful for the family i DO have. i am forever endebted to my parents, whom, i have begun to realize, are pretty fun and incredible people. im grateful to realize this now, rather than later so that i can celebrate WITH them. my brothers are my brothers. i dont think i will ever understand them completely, nor will they ever understand me. but we love each other. and for that, i have an underlying appreciation. i am thankful for my nieces and nephews and was so excited to see them recently- to realize they are becomming really neat people. i miss them more than i can explain.
i am thankful for the new found self realization that i am ok. its more than a fog lifting. its more than a clarity and peace of mind. its a come to jesus moment in which i have realized its been a LONG while since ive been myself. truly truly myself. and now that i have had the opportunity to find that again, i have realized i actually like myself. and for that, i am, in a way, thankful for the twists and turns 2008 has offered. it was a forced moment and i had no idea at the time it would take a turn this way. in case you didnt know (in a moment of tooting my own horn) im discovering im a pretty fucking cool person.
i am thankful for being free- in so many senses (is that right?) of the word. i am, of course thankful for the rights i have- though i know no differently so its hard to truly appreicate. i am thankful i have been raised to make the right decisions in order to maintain those freedoms. lately though, ive been excited and proud of the idea of living life for me only- making decisions on a whim because i want to- and because i can.
to steal one from billy (i think)- i am also thankful to experience a sense of calm and hope in this world. i am grateful to have been alive and been a part of one of the most amazing moments in american history. i realized the other day i was watching obamas interviews recently in a subconcious way to hold on to this figure that inspired so much in me. and then i realized that he will be around for at LEAST the next four years. and it becomes my moment to exhale in relief. for that, i thank ohio. finally.
i am, in general, just thankful. its been a doosie of a year and im glad for every moment thus far that has gotten me here. good or bad, i wouldnt change any of them.
Monday, November 17, 2008
O-H
the office was so gross today. you could hear the snot dripping from every orifice. disgusting.
im out for the week- going back to ohio. just like the pretenders.
im out for the week- going back to ohio. just like the pretenders.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
im a mentor!
in an attempt to bolster my public service resume for the peace corps, i signed up to be a mentor for local high school students. it was truly a selflessly selfish move on my behalf.
last weekend i was at camp. i wasnt looking forward to it at first. it was an entire weekend with teenagers and people i didnt know. i knew it would be emotionally draining. it was also supposed to rain the entire time.
when we got there it was awkward. never before had i felt old. and all of a sudden there i was, out of touch and one of the oldest people in the room. the desire to fit in and be liked was strong and familiar. the students were hyper and hell bent on acting up. we had to sit in a room in uncomfortable chairs and listen to this woman talk. it was pouring.
day two included some group activities and a little one on one time. it was incredible to see these kids open up. it surprised me to realize how young and innocent they actually are underneath it all. it was equally as frustrating to watch them return to the larger group and act just as they had before.
day three was emotional and a half. i watched kids and adults alike honestly acknowledge their past and their future. i did the same. the ability to address certain parts of life and let them go publicly was more freeing than i can describe.
the last day was also emotional but relieving. on the ferry ride back i noticed the other passengers. they were glaring at the students and rolling their eyes. the kids were doing nothing wrong. they were just being kids. and thats when it hit me. one week prior, i would have been doing the same thing. but at that moment, i was one of them, running around the ship, staring at the vending machine, yelling on the deck outside.
last thursday i was matched with two girls from camp. and i couldnt be more excited about it. i cant imagine being with any other students in any other organization. im excited to be a part of their life. im happy i can be an adult they can turn to that wont punish them for the decisions they make. im hopeful that i can provide some sort of advice to help them make the decisions they need to in life.
this is an incredible program. and if you have time and any inclination to help, they can use you. 60 kids applied for this particular program. they were only able to take on 20 because of the mentor shortage. there are two other schools that can use your help. check it out:
communityforyouth.org
side note to ms. crame: GO HOT PANTS GO! hope your run was smokin!
last weekend i was at camp. i wasnt looking forward to it at first. it was an entire weekend with teenagers and people i didnt know. i knew it would be emotionally draining. it was also supposed to rain the entire time.
when we got there it was awkward. never before had i felt old. and all of a sudden there i was, out of touch and one of the oldest people in the room. the desire to fit in and be liked was strong and familiar. the students were hyper and hell bent on acting up. we had to sit in a room in uncomfortable chairs and listen to this woman talk. it was pouring.
day two included some group activities and a little one on one time. it was incredible to see these kids open up. it surprised me to realize how young and innocent they actually are underneath it all. it was equally as frustrating to watch them return to the larger group and act just as they had before.
day three was emotional and a half. i watched kids and adults alike honestly acknowledge their past and their future. i did the same. the ability to address certain parts of life and let them go publicly was more freeing than i can describe.
the last day was also emotional but relieving. on the ferry ride back i noticed the other passengers. they were glaring at the students and rolling their eyes. the kids were doing nothing wrong. they were just being kids. and thats when it hit me. one week prior, i would have been doing the same thing. but at that moment, i was one of them, running around the ship, staring at the vending machine, yelling on the deck outside.
last thursday i was matched with two girls from camp. and i couldnt be more excited about it. i cant imagine being with any other students in any other organization. im excited to be a part of their life. im happy i can be an adult they can turn to that wont punish them for the decisions they make. im hopeful that i can provide some sort of advice to help them make the decisions they need to in life.
this is an incredible program. and if you have time and any inclination to help, they can use you. 60 kids applied for this particular program. they were only able to take on 20 because of the mentor shortage. there are two other schools that can use your help. check it out:
communityforyouth.org
side note to ms. crame: GO HOT PANTS GO! hope your run was smokin!
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
more to come.
my words feel trivial.
i am in awe of what we just did.
barack obama is the next president of the united states.
i am in awe of what we just did.
barack obama is the next president of the united states.
Monday, November 03, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
MISC.
i just got off the elevator to a man wearing a basketball uniform while carrying what looked like an intricately detailed walking stick, and a woman with thigh high patent leather boots. im at work.
i saw the mountain goats on monday. i almost got in a fight. some east-side looking guy called me a cunt. then spelled it over and over and over. i kinda liked him more for it. except that he was trying to insult me. but i really like the shock value of that word, so the effect was lost on me.
my stomach hurts.
my florescent orange nail polish is weird. it seeps in while im painting it- almost like a stain. and then it leaches out of my nail and flakes off easily. but its so cute. i try to type without looking at the keyboard, but with my nails as bright as they are, its fun to watch. my hands look disconnected. and florescent is a hard word to spell. im pretty sure there was a "u" in there before.
im going to vegas tomorrow to throw my mom a surprise 60th bday party. i think she knows. people assure me she doesnt. shes a bad liar. i dont know where i honed my skills if thats the case. im really good at it. but vegas will be fun. except one work trip ive never spent more than 24 hours in that city. once i drove (with a couple of hippie friends) 23 hours to get there, and stayed for 5. then we took the short 12 hours drive back.
im still dreaming of the most recent batch of rosemary limoncello.
i took a 3 hour nap last night, woke up and worked for an hour, went to bed and overslept this morning. i think im sick. or just really tired. its the weather change im sure. how long do we get to use that excuse? i mean, can i say that in mid february? doesnt the time change this weekend? fall back, right?
i saw some guy in the coffee shop with the black version of my MIA wallet. i miss that wallet, but realized the black version was so much better than the teal. i need a new wallet/clutch... so i can get my dance on without toting my bookbag purse all over. oh, and i guess the term is backpack. dear backpack, youll always be a bookbag to me.
i saw the mountain goats on monday. i almost got in a fight. some east-side looking guy called me a cunt. then spelled it over and over and over. i kinda liked him more for it. except that he was trying to insult me. but i really like the shock value of that word, so the effect was lost on me.
my stomach hurts.
my florescent orange nail polish is weird. it seeps in while im painting it- almost like a stain. and then it leaches out of my nail and flakes off easily. but its so cute. i try to type without looking at the keyboard, but with my nails as bright as they are, its fun to watch. my hands look disconnected. and florescent is a hard word to spell. im pretty sure there was a "u" in there before.
im going to vegas tomorrow to throw my mom a surprise 60th bday party. i think she knows. people assure me she doesnt. shes a bad liar. i dont know where i honed my skills if thats the case. im really good at it. but vegas will be fun. except one work trip ive never spent more than 24 hours in that city. once i drove (with a couple of hippie friends) 23 hours to get there, and stayed for 5. then we took the short 12 hours drive back.
im still dreaming of the most recent batch of rosemary limoncello.
i took a 3 hour nap last night, woke up and worked for an hour, went to bed and overslept this morning. i think im sick. or just really tired. its the weather change im sure. how long do we get to use that excuse? i mean, can i say that in mid february? doesnt the time change this weekend? fall back, right?
i saw some guy in the coffee shop with the black version of my MIA wallet. i miss that wallet, but realized the black version was so much better than the teal. i need a new wallet/clutch... so i can get my dance on without toting my bookbag purse all over. oh, and i guess the term is backpack. dear backpack, youll always be a bookbag to me.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Sunday, October 12, 2008
forced growth
weakness. its a hard thing for me to talk about. or feel.
and foolishness. or more so looking foolish.
sometimes it feels like everyone got the joke years ago and im only now starting to understand the punchline.
its a feeling of frustration. and anger- inward and out. and relief at a level ive never known before.
its an issue of pride. and im learning to be humble. or am being humbled.
and foolishness. or more so looking foolish.
sometimes it feels like everyone got the joke years ago and im only now starting to understand the punchline.
its a feeling of frustration. and anger- inward and out. and relief at a level ive never known before.
its an issue of pride. and im learning to be humble. or am being humbled.
Monday, September 29, 2008
i left my heart there... ugh.
oh the cliche.
work trip to san francisco this past week. with a few hours tucked away for myself.
i got to see lisa. and my parents. and my brother- it was actually very weird we were all there at the same time. i met up with my friend will. and ran into nikki. and ross.
i drank a lot. and ate really well, though most meals were simply a means to keep from spinning. i laid in a few parks and daydreamed. daydreamt? weird. is dreamt even a word. doesnt look like it. daydreamed.
i miss that city. it helps that it was gorgeous. and i wasnt obligated to really do anything. but i really miss it. a lot. the more i visit the more i wish i didnt have to leave it. i think the last time i lived there i was wishing i was lving here. because i had something to long for. i didnt get to enjoy it.
the problem is that i like my job. maybe in a few years.
work trip to san francisco this past week. with a few hours tucked away for myself.
i got to see lisa. and my parents. and my brother- it was actually very weird we were all there at the same time. i met up with my friend will. and ran into nikki. and ross.
i drank a lot. and ate really well, though most meals were simply a means to keep from spinning. i laid in a few parks and daydreamed. daydreamt? weird. is dreamt even a word. doesnt look like it. daydreamed.
i miss that city. it helps that it was gorgeous. and i wasnt obligated to really do anything. but i really miss it. a lot. the more i visit the more i wish i didnt have to leave it. i think the last time i lived there i was wishing i was lving here. because i had something to long for. i didnt get to enjoy it.
the problem is that i like my job. maybe in a few years.
Monday, September 22, 2008
im grumpy.
i had popcorn for dinner, and some ice cream. or fro-yo as ben and jerrys is now calling it. im pretty sure i cant call it fro-yo in a casual conversation and have any respect for myself.
i have perpetual pouty face.
im in my nightgown. and bathrobe. and little blue socks. and im under my comforter but im on the couch.
i watched a decent movie but now heroes is on. i hate heroes. but im too lazy and too grumpy to change the channel. even iphone solitare isnt comforting right now.
its cold out and the weather is changing.
i have a giant-under-the-skin zit that hurts.
i need to pay a parking ticket but im broke.
i didnt exercise today. and my bike tire wont pump up.
i got gasoline on my hands. and i was annoyed i had to get gas anyway.
this whole mood feels illogical. but that just makes me want to cross my arms and stomp my feet even more. its a good thing the roommate went to bed early.
but at least im cute when im grumpy.
i have perpetual pouty face.
im in my nightgown. and bathrobe. and little blue socks. and im under my comforter but im on the couch.
i watched a decent movie but now heroes is on. i hate heroes. but im too lazy and too grumpy to change the channel. even iphone solitare isnt comforting right now.
its cold out and the weather is changing.
i have a giant-under-the-skin zit that hurts.
i need to pay a parking ticket but im broke.
i didnt exercise today. and my bike tire wont pump up.
i got gasoline on my hands. and i was annoyed i had to get gas anyway.
this whole mood feels illogical. but that just makes me want to cross my arms and stomp my feet even more. its a good thing the roommate went to bed early.
but at least im cute when im grumpy.
Friday, September 12, 2008
ahhhh.
sometimes the best nights are the ones alone in the apartment with a bag full of tootsie pops and pretty woman on tbs. i have two movies here, but im too lazy to commit to either of them. its a WHOLE two hours. thats a lot to ask of me right now.
chunk chunk (law and order sound)
chunk chunk (law and order sound)
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Monday, September 08, 2008
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Sunday, August 31, 2008
waiting for the lightning.
You may have a troubling conversation with a sibling or a close friend, but you needn't let it ruin your day. You can be a champion at holding on to old experiences, relishing the wonderful times and reliving the pain of tougher memories. But the lightning can strike, temporarily relieving you of your reflections. Remember, there's more fun waiting for you in the present moment than in the past.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
thinking of you
jen and i met freshman year in college. we lived across the hall from each other in the dorms. we ate easy mac together and got drunk at hess' house. we dated frat boy roommates, went to formals. we made fun of frat boys. we got stoned a lot. A LOT. she was there for me when the people i decided to associate myself with turned on me. i was there for her when her midget boyfriend punched a hole in her bedroom wall and went scurrying off to munchkin land.
we have the same birthday. people called us twins.
we moved into the rattiest apartment sophomore year- "new" carpeting complete with fleas. we were robbed and convinced ourselves our neighbors had done it. we broke in and stole their beer signs. we tamed a squirrel. we got drunk one day during christmas break and painted random things on our living room wall. our roommate came home with her parents that night. oops. we ate magic mushrooms and stared at ourselves in the mirror. we covered a girls car in syrup and jam. we chain smoked. we made saltine smores and macaroni and cheese (the real kind).
right around this time is when i started seeing jason. she had started dating our friend matt. i think we started to naturally drift. she was still there for me every time my heart was broken and she turned a pseudo blind eye every time i decided to give it another shot. i was there for her when her mom fell off a ladder and was in the hospital for weeks at a time.
but somewhere in there, during the natural drifting, things took a sharp turn. i was absent from the house most of the time. our roommates that had come and gone werent of the highest caliber. she started developing some anger management issues and had a few too many bottles of medication to contend with. we all moved out. we lost touch.
i was sure, at the time, that she would be my best friend forever. i have no idea where she is now. and i miss her. i know, in talking to my other roommates, that we all miss her- but the old her- not the mean, hairschool, 50 year old dating her. i hope our paths cross again.
so jen, wherever you are, i hope its where you want to be.
we have the same birthday. people called us twins.
we moved into the rattiest apartment sophomore year- "new" carpeting complete with fleas. we were robbed and convinced ourselves our neighbors had done it. we broke in and stole their beer signs. we tamed a squirrel. we got drunk one day during christmas break and painted random things on our living room wall. our roommate came home with her parents that night. oops. we ate magic mushrooms and stared at ourselves in the mirror. we covered a girls car in syrup and jam. we chain smoked. we made saltine smores and macaroni and cheese (the real kind).
right around this time is when i started seeing jason. she had started dating our friend matt. i think we started to naturally drift. she was still there for me every time my heart was broken and she turned a pseudo blind eye every time i decided to give it another shot. i was there for her when her mom fell off a ladder and was in the hospital for weeks at a time.
but somewhere in there, during the natural drifting, things took a sharp turn. i was absent from the house most of the time. our roommates that had come and gone werent of the highest caliber. she started developing some anger management issues and had a few too many bottles of medication to contend with. we all moved out. we lost touch.
i was sure, at the time, that she would be my best friend forever. i have no idea where she is now. and i miss her. i know, in talking to my other roommates, that we all miss her- but the old her- not the mean, hairschool, 50 year old dating her. i hope our paths cross again.
so jen, wherever you are, i hope its where you want to be.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Monday, August 04, 2008
>>>insert creative title here<<<
how is it that you can go to bed drunk on a weekend night and still wake up early the next morning- sometimes even earlier than you would during the week- but you go to bed relatively sober on a sunday and the alarm becomes a demon of demonic proportions on monday morning.
demon is a weird word.
happy birthday beth!!!
demon is a weird word.
happy birthday beth!!!
Friday, August 01, 2008
blinded.
theres a song playing right now. brings back memories. it used to make me fell inadequate and cry. now it makes me kick myself. things are taking a turn.
im talking to a friend on im right now and am realizing i dont care what she has to say. i think i should stop talking to her. but how to do that without a fallout, i dont really know. i know ive never had much tolerance for her. we are like really expensive oil and tap water. (which separate even more than regular oil and water.)
i ate nothing but carbs yesterday and topped it off with jelly bellys and rootbeer. im actually a little proud of that.
i woke up and walked out side this morning to be blinded by bright clear sunshine. it felt like fall. like an ohio fall. i love ohio fall. where its a little chilly in the morning but you know that if you wear a dark enough color and sit with your back to the sun, its going to feel so good. the air felt really fresh. maybe because it rained?
thats all ive got.
hope you all feel a little bit of this today:
im talking to a friend on im right now and am realizing i dont care what she has to say. i think i should stop talking to her. but how to do that without a fallout, i dont really know. i know ive never had much tolerance for her. we are like really expensive oil and tap water. (which separate even more than regular oil and water.)
i ate nothing but carbs yesterday and topped it off with jelly bellys and rootbeer. im actually a little proud of that.
i woke up and walked out side this morning to be blinded by bright clear sunshine. it felt like fall. like an ohio fall. i love ohio fall. where its a little chilly in the morning but you know that if you wear a dark enough color and sit with your back to the sun, its going to feel so good. the air felt really fresh. maybe because it rained?
thats all ive got.
hope you all feel a little bit of this today:
Sunday, July 27, 2008
weekend recap...
friday
drinks at coworker's -->
walked to block party -->
block party -->
lost coworker -->
bullied strangers into dancing -->
found friends -->
dropped iphone -->
cried-->
drank more -->
danced somewhere in or around block party -->
home to find peas everywhere -->
sleep
saturday
recovery -->
acknowledgment of said peas, but no explanation -->
lego indiana jones -->
cab confusion -->
dinner -->
NIN (incredible) -->
drinks -->
fetish talk -->
b to d conversation and copping feels -->
wine on a rooftop -->
home (no peas) -->
sleep
sunday
recovery (again) -->
lego indiana jones (trying for new achievements) -->
whole foods chaos -->
bbq -->
is 11:30 considered afternoon? NO! -->
do you call it a carrot cake cupcake or a carrot cupcake? -->
home -->
put together new chairs -->
watched atonement -->
wrote this -->
sleep
drinks at coworker's -->
walked to block party -->
block party -->
lost coworker -->
bullied strangers into dancing -->
found friends -->
dropped iphone -->
cried-->
drank more -->
danced somewhere in or around block party -->
home to find peas everywhere -->
sleep
saturday
recovery -->
acknowledgment of said peas, but no explanation -->
lego indiana jones -->
cab confusion -->
dinner -->
NIN (incredible) -->
drinks -->
fetish talk -->
b to d conversation and copping feels -->
wine on a rooftop -->
home (no peas) -->
sleep
sunday
recovery (again) -->
lego indiana jones (trying for new achievements) -->
whole foods chaos -->
bbq -->
is 11:30 considered afternoon? NO! -->
do you call it a carrot cake cupcake or a carrot cupcake? -->
home -->
put together new chairs -->
watched atonement -->
wrote this -->
sleep
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
list
in the spirit of being positive, i bring you this list...
things that annoyed me today:
- the bus tailgating my little bike most of my ride and deciding to pass me in the dirtiest section of roadway sending dust and rocks flying toward my face.
- trying to find images from an indesign file that wasnt ever packaged. srsly people, its an amazing feature. use it.
- iphone insisting on capitalizing each word after a period. im a lower case gal. learn that, ai.
- iphone reorganizing my apps when i update them.
- not having more than a handful of restaurants to choose from at lunch.
- last minute design requests from the east coast, which make them even more last minute. "hey, its 1. we need it by 2."
- my foot itching with little to no relief from lotion.
- choking on lettuce.
things that annoyed me today:
- the bus tailgating my little bike most of my ride and deciding to pass me in the dirtiest section of roadway sending dust and rocks flying toward my face.
- trying to find images from an indesign file that wasnt ever packaged. srsly people, its an amazing feature. use it.
- iphone insisting on capitalizing each word after a period. im a lower case gal. learn that, ai.
- iphone reorganizing my apps when i update them.
- not having more than a handful of restaurants to choose from at lunch.
- last minute design requests from the east coast, which make them even more last minute. "hey, its 1. we need it by 2."
- my foot itching with little to no relief from lotion.
- choking on lettuce.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
leper foot
its late. im tired. i dog sat all weekend. it was fun, but the dog was sad and whined. all night. clearly i need more time. thank god for roommates though. especially roommates who love dogs.
my foot itches. the skin is peeling off and i think i was bitten. that or im allergic to the ink. it feels incomplete. i have to go thru it again. touch ups and additions. i wish it was finished now.
i shopped this weekend. i am now the proud owner of some soooooper sexy heels. watch out singlehood. i would definitely do me in these shoes. seriously. sexy. i also bought outdoor chairs. one step at a time to resettling in a house ive lived in for years. they are also sexy.
i dropped my iphone again today. *panic* but all is well. i need a cover for my screen.
i need to do laundry. but our dryer caught on fire last week. im holding off until someone comes to look at it. or at least until i have a fire extinguisher. our washing machine knob broke. our toilet is on the fritz. its a mess here. but at least its clean. see how i did that? the whole plaly on words thing?
ok, off to bed. its gonna be a crazy week.
my foot itches. the skin is peeling off and i think i was bitten. that or im allergic to the ink. it feels incomplete. i have to go thru it again. touch ups and additions. i wish it was finished now.
i shopped this weekend. i am now the proud owner of some soooooper sexy heels. watch out singlehood. i would definitely do me in these shoes. seriously. sexy. i also bought outdoor chairs. one step at a time to resettling in a house ive lived in for years. they are also sexy.
i dropped my iphone again today. *panic* but all is well. i need a cover for my screen.
i need to do laundry. but our dryer caught on fire last week. im holding off until someone comes to look at it. or at least until i have a fire extinguisher. our washing machine knob broke. our toilet is on the fritz. its a mess here. but at least its clean. see how i did that? the whole plaly on words thing?
ok, off to bed. its gonna be a crazy week.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
pearls of wisdom
deb morgan part deux:
maybe life is just all about knowing the difference between shit and fertilizer.
(though it does seem like thats a quote from somewhere else. regardless...)
maybe life is just all about knowing the difference between shit and fertilizer.
(though it does seem like thats a quote from somewhere else. regardless...)
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
im going to take a little pause...
and thank the sun gods for this last week.
just showin some appreciation. thats all.
just showin some appreciation. thats all.
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
pity party 2 mandy 0
ok, pity party number 2 has come to an end. looking forward...
im getting a tattoo friday! woot!
its inspired by this:
im very excited! stay tuned for a follow up pic.
im getting a tattoo friday! woot!
its inspired by this:
im very excited! stay tuned for a follow up pic.
Friday, July 04, 2008
happy 4th?
it seems apropos that this im feeling alone this independence day.
sitting here, slightly disappointed in the "party" we threw. the last few years have been good turnouts lasting well into the night- well past when i wanted people to leave.
this year was a little dry. there was a "party custody" decision and fewer appearances of confirmed guests. the roommate got really drunk, possibly offended, and is now passed out. and im sitting here wishing i was wasted but knowing my drinking is done for the night with nothing more than an evening headache to show for it.
i dunno. maybe im feeling sorry for myself. it definitely feels like a different 4th. and thats tough to stomach. guess it comes with the territory... fireworks just always feel so festive and hopeful to me.. or at least they normally do. tonight they just seemed like something that happened........
at any rate- happy 4th. heres to a better next year.
sitting here, slightly disappointed in the "party" we threw. the last few years have been good turnouts lasting well into the night- well past when i wanted people to leave.
this year was a little dry. there was a "party custody" decision and fewer appearances of confirmed guests. the roommate got really drunk, possibly offended, and is now passed out. and im sitting here wishing i was wasted but knowing my drinking is done for the night with nothing more than an evening headache to show for it.
i dunno. maybe im feeling sorry for myself. it definitely feels like a different 4th. and thats tough to stomach. guess it comes with the territory... fireworks just always feel so festive and hopeful to me.. or at least they normally do. tonight they just seemed like something that happened........
at any rate- happy 4th. heres to a better next year.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
Sunday, June 22, 2008
the theatah
kjtashi and i had a belated birthday date last night. we decided on casual cute as our wardrobe and ended up at our fav date restaurant via tribunali (though we had intentions of trying somewhere new). mmmm, i LOVE via.
then we raced down to the theatah for some culture where we were serenaded by songs like "everyone's a little bit racist" and lyrics like "its a thin line between love and wasting your time." and we both agreed whoever wrote avenue q is a FUCKING GENIUS. i have been to a handful of plays... was even in a musical when i was younger. but this was, by far, the most entertaining show i have ever been to.
thanks for an awesome date night kj! lets make a habit out of it.
then we raced down to the theatah for some culture where we were serenaded by songs like "everyone's a little bit racist" and lyrics like "its a thin line between love and wasting your time." and we both agreed whoever wrote avenue q is a FUCKING GENIUS. i have been to a handful of plays... was even in a musical when i was younger. but this was, by far, the most entertaining show i have ever been to.
thanks for an awesome date night kj! lets make a habit out of it.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
mixed emotions
today is the solstice (which im actually a little confused about- i always thought solstice jsut meant the longest day of the year- which should be the 21st- but apparently today it happened at 4:59pm. i dont get it.) ANYWAY.
today has always been one of my moms favorite days of the year. mine too actually.
but tonight, im in my room. in my echo-y house... what to do? this afternoon i was loving single-mandy. and i dont think im far from that. but its a far reach from happy sunshine-y drunkeness and an empty echo-y house... culture shock? i guess so.
last night was the last night (i assume) i live with a boyfriend. now i live alone. at least for a week. then lisa moves in. but it still seems pretty poignant to walk in to so much missing. this was my life. for nearly 4 years. and now, sometime between bedtime and happy hour all of it is physically gone. excpet for my refuge of a bedroom. and its not even the boyfriend aspect of it that is missing. its the best friend part.
how do you stop missing your best friend? boyfriends will come and go... hopefully sooner rather than later. but how do you get over that emptiness of sharing?...
...
i still like single mandy. but she is a little tipsy and sad right now.
today has always been one of my moms favorite days of the year. mine too actually.
but tonight, im in my room. in my echo-y house... what to do? this afternoon i was loving single-mandy. and i dont think im far from that. but its a far reach from happy sunshine-y drunkeness and an empty echo-y house... culture shock? i guess so.
last night was the last night (i assume) i live with a boyfriend. now i live alone. at least for a week. then lisa moves in. but it still seems pretty poignant to walk in to so much missing. this was my life. for nearly 4 years. and now, sometime between bedtime and happy hour all of it is physically gone. excpet for my refuge of a bedroom. and its not even the boyfriend aspect of it that is missing. its the best friend part.
how do you stop missing your best friend? boyfriends will come and go... hopefully sooner rather than later. but how do you get over that emptiness of sharing?...
...
i still like single mandy. but she is a little tipsy and sad right now.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
damn you twitter
blame twitter for lack of posts lately.
ill write one this weekend im sure... itll be all drunken and sad. i bet you cant wait!
ill write one this weekend im sure... itll be all drunken and sad. i bet you cant wait!
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
feminist design woes...
ok, for starters i would hardly consider myself a feminist though some things irk me (except the word irk, which i think im growing to love). and secondly i have overactive underarms. yep, thats right, im sweaty. its a fact. ive accepted it. now you should too.
now that we have that out on the table...
lets talk about this:
this is my deodorant. it works like the supposed doctors say it will. i like it.
this morning i opened the (still shared) medicine cabinet (until next week) and i see this right next to mine:
what the hell does degree think its doing? (i, by the way, support the deodorant plagiarism (man thats a hard word to spell) in the household- like i said, it works). but degree... cmon! what makes you think i dont want a colored top? but most importantly (in the world of graphic design) what makes you think that having lady humps makes me like Titlecase Italic (Women) letters over bold UPPERCASE (MEN)?!***
its very irritating.
and that is my feminist deodorant design soapbox. stepping down now. thanks for indulging me.
***the size of the type im talking about is not clearly visible in the images. but its there and irksome (love it) nonetheless (also a favorite word).
now that we have that out on the table...
lets talk about this:
this is my deodorant. it works like the supposed doctors say it will. i like it.
this morning i opened the (still shared) medicine cabinet (until next week) and i see this right next to mine:
what the hell does degree think its doing? (i, by the way, support the deodorant plagiarism (man thats a hard word to spell) in the household- like i said, it works). but degree... cmon! what makes you think i dont want a colored top? but most importantly (in the world of graphic design) what makes you think that having lady humps makes me like Titlecase Italic (Women) letters over bold UPPERCASE (MEN)?!***
its very irritating.
and that is my feminist deodorant design soapbox. stepping down now. thanks for indulging me.
***the size of the type im talking about is not clearly visible in the images. but its there and irksome (love it) nonetheless (also a favorite word).
Monday, June 09, 2008
Sunday, June 08, 2008
things i learned today
- late is not considered fashionable at an 8 year olds birthday party.
- the celtics are good. good thing i put money on em.
- i can probably get ready for a triathlon in 6 weeks, but i have to start tomorrow.
- i totally love the new washington lottery commercial. you know the one, with the flying birds. completely awesome.
- the red velvet cake from kingfish isnt enough to write home about. my moms wacky cake is. i dont even GET red velvet cake. can someone explain it to me?
- my new hair product smells like toothpaste.
- the celtics are good. good thing i put money on em.
- i can probably get ready for a triathlon in 6 weeks, but i have to start tomorrow.
- i totally love the new washington lottery commercial. you know the one, with the flying birds. completely awesome.
- the red velvet cake from kingfish isnt enough to write home about. my moms wacky cake is. i dont even GET red velvet cake. can someone explain it to me?
- my new hair product smells like toothpaste.
Saturday, June 07, 2008
Thursday, June 05, 2008
things i have been meaning to do for a while now...
1. take worn shoes to the cobbler. i dont care if they dont call them cobblers anymore.
2. take jackets and sweaters to the drycleaner.
3. sign up for a knife skills class.
4. buy new knives.
5. hire a maid.
6. update my moms website.
7. create a budget.
8. stick to the budget.
9. plan my moms birthday party.
10. clean out my closet.
11. buy a pitcher so i can finally make the koolaid i bought 4 years ago. it stays good right?
12. make koolaid.
13. pay off my credit cards.
14. hire my friends to make art.
15. make art for my friends.
thats all ive got for now. im gonna go take a nap. seriously.
2. take jackets and sweaters to the drycleaner.
3. sign up for a knife skills class.
4. buy new knives.
5. hire a maid.
6. update my moms website.
7. create a budget.
8. stick to the budget.
9. plan my moms birthday party.
10. clean out my closet.
11. buy a pitcher so i can finally make the koolaid i bought 4 years ago. it stays good right?
12. make koolaid.
13. pay off my credit cards.
14. hire my friends to make art.
15. make art for my friends.
thats all ive got for now. im gonna go take a nap. seriously.
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
lifelong goal
one of my lifelong goals is to know a person born each day of the calendar year.
march and september are looking a little slim.
march and september are looking a little slim.
Monday, June 02, 2008
fyi
new leaves are hard to turn over.
we decided it might be better for both of us if he moves out sooner.
friday.
this suck needs to end.
we decided it might be better for both of us if he moves out sooner.
friday.
this suck needs to end.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
new leaf
starting monday. im going back to tkd. im gonna start running again. ill drink more water, less alcohol. ill reattempt flossing daily, though this is a lifetime struggle for me. im going to iron my clothes once the come out of the dryer. i want to go on dates. i plan to learn to cook, but again with the lifetime struggle. im gonna redecorate this room so it doesnt feel so dorm-y and temporary.
im over the pity party. its getting a little boring.
im over the pity party. its getting a little boring.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
duck duck goose
white water rafting was fun and not nearly as scary as i thought it would be.
the water was cold. we jumped in. i couldnt breathe. i jumped out.
we "rode the bull" on the front of the raft.
sf was fun too.
i got really cute clothes and shoes. and a nose ring. and ate good food.
i tried to meet up with people. i was 30% successful.
coming home was just hit and miss.
a few things made me realize that in my situation i am truly the more thoughtful person.
that is making it easier to close that chapter.
the water was cold. we jumped in. i couldnt breathe. i jumped out.
we "rode the bull" on the front of the raft.
sf was fun too.
i got really cute clothes and shoes. and a nose ring. and ate good food.
i tried to meet up with people. i was 30% successful.
coming home was just hit and miss.
a few things made me realize that in my situation i am truly the more thoughtful person.
that is making it easier to close that chapter.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
holy spontaneous
my friend lisa emailed me yesterday.
her friend ross is turning 30. hes throwing a party for himself and 30 of his closest friends.
he rented out an entire campground of yurts and organized a white water rafting trip.
apparently a few people bailed so she asked him if i could go. he said yes.
so i bought a ticket yesterday to fly to sf on friday!
so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so excited.
white water rafting has always been on my life to do list.... check!
her friend ross is turning 30. hes throwing a party for himself and 30 of his closest friends.
he rented out an entire campground of yurts and organized a white water rafting trip.
apparently a few people bailed so she asked him if i could go. he said yes.
so i bought a ticket yesterday to fly to sf on friday!
so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so excited.
white water rafting has always been on my life to do list.... check!
Sunday, May 18, 2008
the great divide
im wondering if it has started. no matter how much we dont want our friends to choose one over the other, that its a natural thing to do. that it makes people feel more comfortable in a naturally awkward situation.
i guess if thats the case, i get you all in the divorce, right?
i guess if thats the case, i get you all in the divorce, right?
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
back to our scheduled programming...
things were on the up and up today.
which leads me to this question:
is it better to feel the suck and wallow in it? or is it better to keep busy and try to move on?
and if its the latter, i need to make plans. call me.
which leads me to this question:
is it better to feel the suck and wallow in it? or is it better to keep busy and try to move on?
and if its the latter, i need to make plans. call me.
Monday, May 12, 2008
FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
somebody tell me how to endure this.
tell me how to get over feeling unlovable.
tell me when my chest will stop feeling like gasping is the only way to breathe.
when will the morning stop breaking my heart?
how do you learn to love someone less than you have for 8 years?
how do you keep from shaking them?
i thought i was doing ok.
tell me how to get over feeling unlovable.
tell me when my chest will stop feeling like gasping is the only way to breathe.
when will the morning stop breaking my heart?
how do you learn to love someone less than you have for 8 years?
how do you keep from shaking them?
i thought i was doing ok.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
the office... this version isnt that funny.
aside from yesterday morning i had a decent day.
my bedroom is now the office. it, by nature, feels temporary. this is where guests stay.
billy, ill come over with a sixer. and a hug.
i can use one too.
my bedroom is now the office. it, by nature, feels temporary. this is where guests stay.
billy, ill come over with a sixer. and a hug.
i can use one too.
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
day 2, part 2
its actually part 3 because i deleted the first "im doing fine" post to replace it with the "what the fuck is happening" post.
im back to the "im doing fine" part of this whole thing.
i feel like im schitzophrenic. how the hell do you even spell that?
im back to the "im doing fine" part of this whole thing.
i feel like im schitzophrenic. how the hell do you even spell that?
day 2
i wrote a post earlier this morning. the day was starting out just fine.
yesterday i left work early. i went to the park and just stared at the water for a while. i took a nap.
he came home. we talked. everything was ok.
we have always been the best of friends. i dont want to lose that. its just hard to imagine not seeing or talking to him everyday. im not quite sure how to handle that.
this morning he was getting ready at the same time i was leaving. he asked how i was doing. i though was doing ok. i lost it.
i just feel like everything i know is in the air and im completely panicked. i dont know what to do. sometimes it feels like i cant breathe.
does it get easier? of course it does. but it feels like the easiness of it is unobtainable right now.
i feel broken.
i feel scared.
one minute i feel like throwing up.
the next i feel like putting on a dress and taking a walk.
i havent eaten. im not even close to being hungry.
fuck.
yesterday i left work early. i went to the park and just stared at the water for a while. i took a nap.
he came home. we talked. everything was ok.
we have always been the best of friends. i dont want to lose that. its just hard to imagine not seeing or talking to him everyday. im not quite sure how to handle that.
this morning he was getting ready at the same time i was leaving. he asked how i was doing. i though was doing ok. i lost it.
i just feel like everything i know is in the air and im completely panicked. i dont know what to do. sometimes it feels like i cant breathe.
does it get easier? of course it does. but it feels like the easiness of it is unobtainable right now.
i feel broken.
i feel scared.
one minute i feel like throwing up.
the next i feel like putting on a dress and taking a walk.
i havent eaten. im not even close to being hungry.
fuck.
Monday, May 05, 2008
at a loss
its not a break.
its breaking up.
i feel like i want to fix it and make it right but theres nothing i can do.
i know its the right decision.
its just hard when we were so happy. we are such a good team. but the doubts overwhelm the hope i guess.
my whole body wants to fight it.
i wished i was dreaming when i woke up this morning. sad to know im not.
feel like im on auto pilot.
theres no working this one out.
really not looking forward to work either.
super puffy eyes and 3 hours of sleep. do i even attempt eyeliner and mascara?
how do you get over something like this? how do you even start the process of separating?
vacation has to be canceled. we leave in 12 days. for 14. i was so excited. so was he.
do i still take that time off? anyone want to go to mexico for 2 weeks with me?
i just cant even process it.
who do i talk to about my day? who do i call when something good happens?
i think right now im sad at the idea of it, but cant imagine it really happening.
weve been together so long.
and i wish i hated him. i wish we had a fight that caused this.
but the decision is made out of love.
i just wish it was a different decision.
i love him so much.
its breaking up.
i feel like i want to fix it and make it right but theres nothing i can do.
i know its the right decision.
its just hard when we were so happy. we are such a good team. but the doubts overwhelm the hope i guess.
my whole body wants to fight it.
i wished i was dreaming when i woke up this morning. sad to know im not.
feel like im on auto pilot.
theres no working this one out.
really not looking forward to work either.
super puffy eyes and 3 hours of sleep. do i even attempt eyeliner and mascara?
how do you get over something like this? how do you even start the process of separating?
vacation has to be canceled. we leave in 12 days. for 14. i was so excited. so was he.
do i still take that time off? anyone want to go to mexico for 2 weeks with me?
i just cant even process it.
who do i talk to about my day? who do i call when something good happens?
i think right now im sad at the idea of it, but cant imagine it really happening.
weve been together so long.
and i wish i hated him. i wish we had a fight that caused this.
but the decision is made out of love.
i just wish it was a different decision.
i love him so much.
Sunday, May 04, 2008
Layovers
Phone call on a layover suggesting it's over.
More to come face to face tonight.
Heartbreaking.
And apparently cryptic.
More to come face to face tonight.
Heartbreaking.
And apparently cryptic.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
being sick sucks for the record
head cold from hell.
it came out of nowhere too.
and its totally kicking my ass.
it came out of nowhere too.
and its totally kicking my ass.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Friday, February 15, 2008
last day!!!
last night was like christmas eve... knowing i was going to wake up to one more day of virtually no work, a happy hour celebration and freedom!!!
ive got myself a little two week break coming up- off to whistler next week, and then a whole week of nothing...
so long company. its been, well, not so nice to work for you. but i liked the people i worked with.
ive got myself a little two week break coming up- off to whistler next week, and then a whole week of nothing...
so long company. its been, well, not so nice to work for you. but i liked the people i worked with.
Saturday, February 09, 2008
obama-rama
obama, clinton and mccain were all in town this week.
hillary drew a crowd of 5000 when she spoke thursday night. i made my way to key arena at lunch time on friday to hear barack obama only to find out he had filled the 17000 seat stadium beyond capacity. amazing.
and then i went to my first caucus today.
it was chaos. but it was great.
the event was in a church basement for three separate precincts. and it was packed. we all signed up and noted our candidate choice. and then we broke up into our precincts and voiced our opinions to sway the undecideds- of which there were none in my precinct. i met some of my neighbors. i signed up to be a neighborhood volunteer. i volunteered to be the secretary. i took notes. i was elected to be a delegate for obama.
the numbers for the caucus were at a record high, and my reason for being there was the same as a majority of the people. obama has inspired a nation. apathy is no longer an option. it was inspiring to see the community coming together to be a part of history, and i whole-heartedly support the man leading the way.
if your primary or caucus is still to come, please be sure to vote. i support obama. but regardless of who you support, its important that ultimately we are united for change.
hillary drew a crowd of 5000 when she spoke thursday night. i made my way to key arena at lunch time on friday to hear barack obama only to find out he had filled the 17000 seat stadium beyond capacity. amazing.
and then i went to my first caucus today.
it was chaos. but it was great.
the event was in a church basement for three separate precincts. and it was packed. we all signed up and noted our candidate choice. and then we broke up into our precincts and voiced our opinions to sway the undecideds- of which there were none in my precinct. i met some of my neighbors. i signed up to be a neighborhood volunteer. i volunteered to be the secretary. i took notes. i was elected to be a delegate for obama.
the numbers for the caucus were at a record high, and my reason for being there was the same as a majority of the people. obama has inspired a nation. apathy is no longer an option. it was inspiring to see the community coming together to be a part of history, and i whole-heartedly support the man leading the way.
if your primary or caucus is still to come, please be sure to vote. i support obama. but regardless of who you support, its important that ultimately we are united for change.
Thursday, February 07, 2008
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
train of thought
do you think if trains hadnt ever existed we wold still call it a train?
so sometimes when im bored i like to think about my thoughts. i know it sounds weird so bear with me. i have never been able to meditate to the point where my mind felt completely clear. so i tried to go the other way with it and acknowledge each thought that zooms through my head. it is really enough to drive me crazy. ill try to give you a little sampling, but even typing it will be too slow and my thoughts will have wandered by the time i finish another thought.
still with me?
my foot hurts. im tired and possibly getting sick. i wonder if im bleeding internally and am just not aware of it yet. i should webmd it. i think i have dried snot on my nostril. would someone here tell me. her shoes are loud. i hope she doesnt come talk to me. i wish my coworker would call me back. i really really like my glasses. they truly live up to the expectations i have had of them all these years. i wish thanksgiving would have gone better. i wonder if i should- now my foot itches. should i take the short ride but long walk home or the long ride short walk home? it IS raining but the long rise is always crowded and smells like pee. why do people going to the u district always smell like pee? restoration hardware is apparently in the u district. there was- wait, no i mean u village. is u village in the u district? there was a store i wanted to go to there but i cant remember anymore. the craft fair is sunday. i wonder if it will all be expensive. im short on cash right now. stupid electricity bill. even though i didnt pay it. why AM i short on cash. i need to take the bus to work more often. especially now that the free parking is gone. i like my handwriting. i think my fingers are dislexic. how do you spell dislexic? dislixic? its all spelled wrong according to my spell check. i wish illustrator had automatic spell check. i gotta update my moms site. wow the day went fast. and my desk is so clean. i love that. i wonder how long it will last. i think im a slob. i wish today was winter solstice. i want to go see kara and the new baby. can the guy across the way see me work when its dark out? i cant wait until they put up that new building. im so gonna look in the windows. my foots asleep.
ta-da!
so sometimes when im bored i like to think about my thoughts. i know it sounds weird so bear with me. i have never been able to meditate to the point where my mind felt completely clear. so i tried to go the other way with it and acknowledge each thought that zooms through my head. it is really enough to drive me crazy. ill try to give you a little sampling, but even typing it will be too slow and my thoughts will have wandered by the time i finish another thought.
still with me?
my foot hurts. im tired and possibly getting sick. i wonder if im bleeding internally and am just not aware of it yet. i should webmd it. i think i have dried snot on my nostril. would someone here tell me. her shoes are loud. i hope she doesnt come talk to me. i wish my coworker would call me back. i really really like my glasses. they truly live up to the expectations i have had of them all these years. i wish thanksgiving would have gone better. i wonder if i should- now my foot itches. should i take the short ride but long walk home or the long ride short walk home? it IS raining but the long rise is always crowded and smells like pee. why do people going to the u district always smell like pee? restoration hardware is apparently in the u district. there was- wait, no i mean u village. is u village in the u district? there was a store i wanted to go to there but i cant remember anymore. the craft fair is sunday. i wonder if it will all be expensive. im short on cash right now. stupid electricity bill. even though i didnt pay it. why AM i short on cash. i need to take the bus to work more often. especially now that the free parking is gone. i like my handwriting. i think my fingers are dislexic. how do you spell dislexic? dislixic? its all spelled wrong according to my spell check. i wish illustrator had automatic spell check. i gotta update my moms site. wow the day went fast. and my desk is so clean. i love that. i wonder how long it will last. i think im a slob. i wish today was winter solstice. i want to go see kara and the new baby. can the guy across the way see me work when its dark out? i cant wait until they put up that new building. im so gonna look in the windows. my foots asleep.
ta-da!
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Sunday, September 30, 2007
current mood: apathetic
meh.
im in that phase where i dont really want to do anything. maybe its the change in the weather.
im not so into my job lately. i have to travel next week to defend work we did (actually, work a previous employee did, but i still have to act like we played a role) and im just not feeling like doing it. my boss is getting ready to go on a trip and as a result is driving everyone crazy. i had a dream last week that i got another job offer. i think im just getting to the point that im ready to do something else. i just dont know what yet.
i started running again. i still dont like it. but i know its good for me. i think i just get bored and would rather be comfy on my couch watching a bad movie. perhaps one with sandra bullock in it. lake house anyone? saturday i complimented my VERY slow seven mile run with a trip to tae kwon do. i like that. its expensive, but fun. in the end though, my couch would win the battle every time, though it IS fun to know i could beat a lot of people up.
i dont really feel like calling anyone to do anything. though i did have a fun quick date with beth at the movies3:10 to yuma. you can put anyone on horse back and film them in slow motion and i would be attracted to them, but that is especially the case for russell crowe, whom i dont find attractive in real life. i think i was born in the wrong century. i digress.
anyway. im hoping this mood will pass. i should be doing a lot of work right now but im jsut not that into it.
im in that phase where i dont really want to do anything. maybe its the change in the weather.
im not so into my job lately. i have to travel next week to defend work we did (actually, work a previous employee did, but i still have to act like we played a role) and im just not feeling like doing it. my boss is getting ready to go on a trip and as a result is driving everyone crazy. i had a dream last week that i got another job offer. i think im just getting to the point that im ready to do something else. i just dont know what yet.
i started running again. i still dont like it. but i know its good for me. i think i just get bored and would rather be comfy on my couch watching a bad movie. perhaps one with sandra bullock in it. lake house anyone? saturday i complimented my VERY slow seven mile run with a trip to tae kwon do. i like that. its expensive, but fun. in the end though, my couch would win the battle every time, though it IS fun to know i could beat a lot of people up.
i dont really feel like calling anyone to do anything. though i did have a fun quick date with beth at the movies3:10 to yuma. you can put anyone on horse back and film them in slow motion and i would be attracted to them, but that is especially the case for russell crowe, whom i dont find attractive in real life. i think i was born in the wrong century. i digress.
anyway. im hoping this mood will pass. i should be doing a lot of work right now but im jsut not that into it.
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