giving thanks.

this thanksgiving was delicious. it was filled with sloth and gluttony- as all good thanksgivings should be. it also made me realize we are ALL initially uncomfortable being sincere and thankful on a moments notice. but here we go...

i am thankful for the family i chose. this year has been a real humdinger as it relates to how i understand and accept my family. i will always love them to the core of me, but there are some people i realize are there to love and despise me LIKE a family should moreso than members of my family do. and for that, i am thankful. i am thankful for the deep seeded look of love coupled with the rolling eyes of annoyance. i am thankful for the people who have answered my late night calls, sent me cards and chocolate, shown up to my door at a moments notice and been there to drink with to help me forget, remember and just to have fun. these people are my sisters and my brothers. moms. dads and children all rolled in to one. and if you are reading this, you are probably one of those people. i am eternally grateful.

i am thankful for the family i DO have. i am forever endebted to my parents, whom, i have begun to realize, are pretty fun and incredible people. im grateful to realize this now, rather than later so that i can celebrate WITH them. my brothers are my brothers. i dont think i will ever understand them completely, nor will they ever understand me. but we love each other. and for that, i have an underlying appreciation. i am thankful for my nieces and nephews and was so excited to see them recently- to realize they are becomming really neat people. i miss them more than i can explain.

i am thankful for the new found self realization that i am ok. its more than a fog lifting. its more than a clarity and peace of mind. its a come to jesus moment in which i have realized its been a LONG while since ive been myself. truly truly myself. and now that i have had the opportunity to find that again, i have realized i actually like myself. and for that, i am, in a way, thankful for the twists and turns 2008 has offered. it was a forced moment and i had no idea at the time it would take a turn this way. in case you didnt know (in a moment of tooting my own horn) im discovering im a pretty fucking cool person.

i am thankful for being free- in so many senses (is that right?) of the word. i am, of course thankful for the rights i have- though i know no differently so its hard to truly appreicate. i am thankful i have been raised to make the right decisions in order to maintain those freedoms. lately though, ive been excited and proud of the idea of living life for me only- making decisions on a whim because i want to- and because i can.

to steal one from billy (i think)- i am also thankful to experience a sense of calm and hope in this world. i am grateful to have been alive and been a part of one of the most amazing moments in american history. i realized the other day i was watching obamas interviews recently in a subconcious way to hold on to this figure that inspired so much in me. and then i realized that he will be around for at LEAST the next four years. and it becomes my moment to exhale in relief. for that, i thank ohio. finally.

i am, in general, just thankful. its been a doosie of a year and im glad for every moment thus far that has gotten me here. good or bad, i wouldnt change any of them.

O-H

the office was so gross today. you could hear the snot dripping from every orifice. disgusting.

im out for the week- going back to ohio. just like the pretenders.

im a mentor!

in an attempt to bolster my public service resume for the peace corps, i signed up to be a mentor for local high school students. it was truly a selflessly selfish move on my behalf.

last weekend i was at camp. i wasnt looking forward to it at first. it was an entire weekend with teenagers and people i didnt know. i knew it would be emotionally draining. it was also supposed to rain the entire time.

when we got there it was awkward. never before had i felt old. and all of a sudden there i was, out of touch and one of the oldest people in the room. the desire to fit in and be liked was strong and familiar. the students were hyper and hell bent on acting up. we had to sit in a room in uncomfortable chairs and listen to this woman talk. it was pouring.

day two included some group activities and a little one on one time. it was incredible to see these kids open up. it surprised me to realize how young and innocent they actually are underneath it all. it was equally as frustrating to watch them return to the larger group and act just as they had before.

day three was emotional and a half. i watched kids and adults alike honestly acknowledge their past and their future. i did the same. the ability to address certain parts of life and let them go publicly was more freeing than i can describe.

the last day was also emotional but relieving. on the ferry ride back i noticed the other passengers. they were glaring at the students and rolling their eyes. the kids were doing nothing wrong. they were just being kids. and thats when it hit me. one week prior, i would have been doing the same thing. but at that moment, i was one of them, running around the ship, staring at the vending machine, yelling on the deck outside.

last thursday i was matched with two girls from camp. and i couldnt be more excited about it. i cant imagine being with any other students in any other organization. im excited to be a part of their life. im happy i can be an adult they can turn to that wont punish them for the decisions they make. im hopeful that i can provide some sort of advice to help them make the decisions they need to in life.

this is an incredible program. and if you have time and any inclination to help, they can use you. 60 kids applied for this particular program. they were only able to take on 20 because of the mentor shortage. there are two other schools that can use your help. check it out:
communityforyouth.org

side note to ms. crame: GO HOT PANTS GO! hope your run was smokin!

more to come.

my words feel trivial.
i am in awe of what we just did.

barack obama is the next president of the united states.

-O- my god

i cannot wait to vote!
(image by shepard fairey)