giving thanks.

this thanksgiving was delicious. it was filled with sloth and gluttony- as all good thanksgivings should be. it also made me realize we are ALL initially uncomfortable being sincere and thankful on a moments notice. but here we go...

i am thankful for the family i chose. this year has been a real humdinger as it relates to how i understand and accept my family. i will always love them to the core of me, but there are some people i realize are there to love and despise me LIKE a family should moreso than members of my family do. and for that, i am thankful. i am thankful for the deep seeded look of love coupled with the rolling eyes of annoyance. i am thankful for the people who have answered my late night calls, sent me cards and chocolate, shown up to my door at a moments notice and been there to drink with to help me forget, remember and just to have fun. these people are my sisters and my brothers. moms. dads and children all rolled in to one. and if you are reading this, you are probably one of those people. i am eternally grateful.

i am thankful for the family i DO have. i am forever endebted to my parents, whom, i have begun to realize, are pretty fun and incredible people. im grateful to realize this now, rather than later so that i can celebrate WITH them. my brothers are my brothers. i dont think i will ever understand them completely, nor will they ever understand me. but we love each other. and for that, i have an underlying appreciation. i am thankful for my nieces and nephews and was so excited to see them recently- to realize they are becomming really neat people. i miss them more than i can explain.

i am thankful for the new found self realization that i am ok. its more than a fog lifting. its more than a clarity and peace of mind. its a come to jesus moment in which i have realized its been a LONG while since ive been myself. truly truly myself. and now that i have had the opportunity to find that again, i have realized i actually like myself. and for that, i am, in a way, thankful for the twists and turns 2008 has offered. it was a forced moment and i had no idea at the time it would take a turn this way. in case you didnt know (in a moment of tooting my own horn) im discovering im a pretty fucking cool person.

i am thankful for being free- in so many senses (is that right?) of the word. i am, of course thankful for the rights i have- though i know no differently so its hard to truly appreicate. i am thankful i have been raised to make the right decisions in order to maintain those freedoms. lately though, ive been excited and proud of the idea of living life for me only- making decisions on a whim because i want to- and because i can.

to steal one from billy (i think)- i am also thankful to experience a sense of calm and hope in this world. i am grateful to have been alive and been a part of one of the most amazing moments in american history. i realized the other day i was watching obamas interviews recently in a subconcious way to hold on to this figure that inspired so much in me. and then i realized that he will be around for at LEAST the next four years. and it becomes my moment to exhale in relief. for that, i thank ohio. finally.

i am, in general, just thankful. its been a doosie of a year and im glad for every moment thus far that has gotten me here. good or bad, i wouldnt change any of them.