waiting for the lightning.

You may have a troubling conversation with a sibling or a close friend, but you needn't let it ruin your day. You can be a champion at holding on to old experiences, relishing the wonderful times and reliving the pain of tougher memories. But the lightning can strike, temporarily relieving you of your reflections. Remember, there's more fun waiting for you in the present moment than in the past.

like an onion-

heartbreak has a lot of layers.

thinking of you

jen and i met freshman year in college. we lived across the hall from each other in the dorms. we ate easy mac together and got drunk at hess' house. we dated frat boy roommates, went to formals. we made fun of frat boys. we got stoned a lot. A LOT. she was there for me when the people i decided to associate myself with turned on me. i was there for her when her midget boyfriend punched a hole in her bedroom wall and went scurrying off to munchkin land.

we have the same birthday. people called us twins.

we moved into the rattiest apartment sophomore year- "new" carpeting complete with fleas. we were robbed and convinced ourselves our neighbors had done it. we broke in and stole their beer signs. we tamed a squirrel. we got drunk one day during christmas break and painted random things on our living room wall. our roommate came home with her parents that night. oops. we ate magic mushrooms and stared at ourselves in the mirror. we covered a girls car in syrup and jam. we chain smoked. we made saltine smores and macaroni and cheese (the real kind).

right around this time is when i started seeing jason. she had started dating our friend matt. i think we started to naturally drift. she was still there for me every time my heart was broken and she turned a pseudo blind eye every time i decided to give it another shot. i was there for her when her mom fell off a ladder and was in the hospital for weeks at a time.

but somewhere in there, during the natural drifting, things took a sharp turn. i was absent from the house most of the time. our roommates that had come and gone werent of the highest caliber. she started developing some anger management issues and had a few too many bottles of medication to contend with. we all moved out. we lost touch.

i was sure, at the time, that she would be my best friend forever. i have no idea where she is now. and i miss her. i know, in talking to my other roommates, that we all miss her- but the old her- not the mean, hairschool, 50 year old dating her. i hope our paths cross again.

so jen, wherever you are, i hope its where you want to be.

um...

im not sure which is more exciting– the actual races, or this picture:

>>>insert creative title here<<<

how is it that you can go to bed drunk on a weekend night and still wake up early the next morning- sometimes even earlier than you would during the week- but you go to bed relatively sober on a sunday and the alarm becomes a demon of demonic proportions on monday morning.

demon is a weird word.

happy birthday beth!!!

blinded.

theres a song playing right now. brings back memories. it used to make me fell inadequate and cry. now it makes me kick myself. things are taking a turn.

im talking to a friend on im right now and am realizing i dont care what she has to say. i think i should stop talking to her. but how to do that without a fallout, i dont really know. i know ive never had much tolerance for her. we are like really expensive oil and tap water. (which separate even more than regular oil and water.)

i ate nothing but carbs yesterday and topped it off with jelly bellys and rootbeer. im actually a little proud of that.

i woke up and walked out side this morning to be blinded by bright clear sunshine. it felt like fall. like an ohio fall. i love ohio fall. where its a little chilly in the morning but you know that if you wear a dark enough color and sit with your back to the sun, its going to feel so good. the air felt really fresh. maybe because it rained?

thats all ive got.

hope you all feel a little bit of this today: