train of thought

do you think if trains hadnt ever existed we wold still call it a train?

so sometimes when im bored i like to think about my thoughts. i know it sounds weird so bear with me. i have never been able to meditate to the point where my mind felt completely clear. so i tried to go the other way with it and acknowledge each thought that zooms through my head. it is really enough to drive me crazy. ill try to give you a little sampling, but even typing it will be too slow and my thoughts will have wandered by the time i finish another thought.

still with me?


my foot hurts. im tired and possibly getting sick. i wonder if im bleeding internally and am just not aware of it yet. i should webmd it. i think i have dried snot on my nostril. would someone here tell me. her shoes are loud. i hope she doesnt come talk to me. i wish my coworker would call me back. i really really like my glasses. they truly live up to the expectations i have had of them all these years. i wish thanksgiving would have gone better. i wonder if i should- now my foot itches. should i take the short ride but long walk home or the long ride short walk home? it IS raining but the long rise is always crowded and smells like pee. why do people going to the u district always smell like pee? restoration hardware is apparently in the u district. there was- wait, no i mean u village. is u village in the u district? there was a store i wanted to go to there but i cant remember anymore. the craft fair is sunday. i wonder if it will all be expensive. im short on cash right now. stupid electricity bill. even though i didnt pay it. why AM i short on cash. i need to take the bus to work more often. especially now that the free parking is gone. i like my handwriting. i think my fingers are dislexic. how do you spell dislexic? dislixic? its all spelled wrong according to my spell check. i wish illustrator had automatic spell check. i gotta update my moms site. wow the day went fast. and my desk is so clean. i love that. i wonder how long it will last. i think im a slob. i wish today was winter solstice. i want to go see kara and the new baby. can the guy across the way see me work when its dark out? i cant wait until they put up that new building. im so gonna look in the windows. my foots asleep.

ta-da!

hi toshi

its nice to finally meet you.
congratulations paul and kj!!

current mood: apathetic

meh.

im in that phase where i dont really want to do anything. maybe its the change in the weather.

im not so into my job lately. i have to travel next week to defend work we did (actually, work a previous employee did, but i still have to act like we played a role) and im just not feeling like doing it. my boss is getting ready to go on a trip and as a result is driving everyone crazy. i had a dream last week that i got another job offer. i think im just getting to the point that im ready to do something else. i just dont know what yet.

i started running again. i still dont like it. but i know its good for me. i think i just get bored and would rather be comfy on my couch watching a bad movie. perhaps one with sandra bullock in it. lake house anyone? saturday i complimented my VERY slow seven mile run with a trip to tae kwon do. i like that. its expensive, but fun. in the end though, my couch would win the battle every time, though it IS fun to know i could beat a lot of people up.

i dont really feel like calling anyone to do anything. though i did have a fun quick date with beth at the movies3:10 to yuma. you can put anyone on horse back and film them in slow motion and i would be attracted to them, but that is especially the case for russell crowe, whom i dont find attractive in real life. i think i was born in the wrong century. i digress.

anyway. im hoping this mood will pass. i should be doing a lot of work right now but im jsut not that into it.

practicing words i can never type correctly on the first try

jsut jsut just just jsut jsut jsut jsut jsut just jsut just jsut just just just just jsut just jsut just just just just just just just just just just just just jsut just just just jsjt jsut just just jsut jsut just jsut jsut just jsut just just just just jsut jsut just jsut just jsut just just just just just just just just just

the the hte the teh hte teh teh teh teh teh teh the the the hte the the the the the teh the teh the the teh teh the the the the the the teh teh teh teh the the the the the the teh the hte hte the teh
the the the the the the the the teh teh teh teh the the hte the the the the the the the the teh teh

morgan morhan moragn moragn morgan moyran morgan morgan morgan morgan morang morgna morgan moragb morgab morgab morhan moragn morgan morgan morgab moragb moragn moragn morgan moragh morgan moragn morgan morgan morgna morgan morgan

im realizing my typing issues might stem from an overzealous left hand....

vegas baby

i hate flying.

i had a really bad dream and an anxiety disorder*** that made the task incredibly daunting. two years ago i was in a position at work that i was traveling a lot and i was the only one from my office that did what i do. then i sat next to this awesome guy on a smaller plane who decided to tell me every flight horror story he had as we were speeding up to take off. i heart him. i got to my hotel for the night and i went on a flying hiatus.

ive flown since then but only for personal reasons. very VERY infrequently... maybe twice (this is round trip of course). but even then it was not without a bottle of xanax tucked away. (truth be told, i never took any of the xanax for flying***. it was just nice knowing i had the option).

the lack of traveling has been an imposition on my coworkers and has openly hindered the progression of my career. so three weeks ago when my coworker called me and told me we were required to attend a meeting in vegas, i refilled my xanax prescription.

but it was a good trip. surprisingly.

my coworker travels a lot. as a result hes got mvp status with the airlines. mvp=upgraded seats. we rode in style all the way down there... free drinks, and hot nuts... ... ... and a plane crash seems less horrific if youre in first.

then we checked in to THEhotel at mandalay bay. the pretentiousness that comes along with the title is well deserved. i had a suite to myself and room service being taken care of by the client.

the meeting was pointless. i said a total of two things in 7.5 hours. and even then i think they allowed us to speak because they realized they made us come down for no reason. but we got to eat a nice dinner and had a fun night gambling (read playing the penny slots. i actually like to play the tables. and id really like to learn and play craps, but the antes were all too rich for my blood, so wheel of fortune with some nickels it was).

i got room service this morning for breakfast. they wheeled in a little cart and uncovered my food. i felt fancy and grown up. and it was gooooood.

the flight back (to come full circle) wasnt as good as the one there. "leavin vegas is always bumpy" i heard later. a little warning would have been nice. but everything was fine and our steward was the best- think retired old man who LOVES waiting on first class people.

its nice to be home though. i think im gonna get jason to wheel in carts of food for me.

***footnote: i dont take the xanax because im totally against medication for "chemical imbalances." i took paxil for a long time. i gained weight, had no feeling other than content and yawned ALL the time. then i weaned myself off and went through what i imagine heroine addicts go through- fevers, shakes, dizziness.... awful. im better now. the running helped that. i still yawn a lot though... but gma says that its because my brain is cooling itself off. if someone yawns when you are talking to them you should take it as a compliment.

ok i need to stop now. my tangents are getting away from me.

why cant i hear the music? why is the beer garden so crowded? am i standing in piss?

wiki:
block party: n. a block party is a large informal public celebration in which many members of a single neighborhood congregate to observe a positive event of usually local importance. many times, there will be celebration in the form of playing music and dance. Block parties gained popularity in the United States during the 1970s.

yeah, well this one was sponsored by camel, monster and e-surance** and cost 20$ at the door. then you get to stand in a really crowded beer garden (at $5 a beer) and listen to , at most, 20 bands which, to be honest, should sometimes be playing for free.

and compare that to a $40 bumbershoot where the lineups are abundant and ripe with talent and dont disguise themselves as COMMUNITY block parties.

im completely over it. 3 years ago it was free, more like a farmers market meets garage band. i respected it then.

**all important footnote: i learned friday afternoon that e-surance is sponsoring events like this to relate more to a younger, hipper audience. i also learned that the owners of e-surance are a über right wing conservative couple set on pushing their agenda.

beng beng beng

if you know me at all you know that while i enjoy a nice show every now and then, the thought of going to a crowded venue to stand and look at the stage and nod my head is not my idea of a good time. at least not that often- there are exceptions to this rule...

you should also know im musically illiterate. im not one of those people who can talk intelligently about good or bad music. i have paris hilton's version of "stars are blind" on my ZUNE! right next to the mountain goats. and i am not ashamed to say i like them both.

so you can imagine how i felt when jason told me about this guy i hadnt heard of and his band playing at the showbox. >>>insert eye roll and yawn<<<

for starters no one in seattle dances. i hate this fact. apparently the hipster movement grabbed an entire city by the balls and told it that its just not cool to move anything more than neck muscles. maybe its because the skinny jeans are restrictive. chucks dont offer arch support? i dont know.

secondly i knew i was going to be sober thanks to a weeks worth of antibiotics. both my pharmacist (i say it like we have one of those close relationships you see on tv- the one where they will come to my house and cut my pills for me) and my doctor took the time to seriously warn me that ANY drinking would make me feel awful and could lead to heart problems (and again, if you know me, you know my anxiety is acutely focused on the well-being of my heart).

thirdly i am fighting a head cold, or a really obnoxious sinus problem. either way, it leaves me feeling pretty cruddy and tired. (im also not sure if im tired bc my friend, the pharmacist told me the medicine might do that to me, or if im tired bc im run down. im easily swayed by professional opinions).

well, add all those things up and a night out at the showbox was not sounding great.

but i could not have been more wrong!

we went to see femi kuti.

i dont know if people know about him or not, as i, as previously mentioned, am slow on the musical uptake. if you dont know either, hes an african singer by way of london (or is it london singer by way of africa?). he is following in the footsteps of his late dad, fela kuti, with whom he also performed growing up. political, sexy music.

the show was amazing. i cant explain it in any other terms. the entire crowd cheered and danced... almost like we were in another city. my tired, sober, sore feet didnt care. the entire band played an exceptionally passionate show. a friend said "they come out like a firehose in the mouth," and while im not sure i understand the phrase completely, it seems an appropriate description. the backup singers danced through the entire show... and i dont mean that synced sway from side to side. i mean D-A-N-C-E-D. the whole time. it was incredible.

so for one night, the seattle music scene redeemed itself. and while its sure to disappoint in the near future- probably the capital hill block party- for last night it was totally worth it. i highly recommend if you havent seen him. i would gladly go again.

mmmmm. spaghetti

i like thursdays.
thursdays always mean good primetime programming (except in the off seasons)
thursday is the day before friday and friday is the start of the weekend. while tomorrow isnt saturday, there is something calm and easy going about friday... and thursday is the second best "leaving the office" feeling at the end of the day.
thursday is spaghetti day downstairs. oh.my.god. its good spaghetti.

__________________________________________

they are doing construction across the street and its fascinating to watch. we thought we would be annoyed by the sound but its actually kind of soothing. not as much jackhammering as you would anticipate. there is a guy in a back ho (heh heh) right now moving dirt from one pile to another, and then from the latter pile to a truck bed. i think he can see in my window... 5 floors up. maybe he just has those eyes that follow you- like the busts in the haunted mansion. but every time i look out i think hes looking at me. and while part of me is annoyed, the other part stares back flattered.

i think im getting a zit on my chin. its one of the painful ones beneath the surface but hasnt reared its ugly face for me to pick and claw at. i am TOTALLY a picker.

riley was the cutest little mofo last night. im completely enamored.

i need to figure out what to get my nieces for their birthdays. they were months ago. but i called them and said i had their presents but i hadnt mailed them yet. now i have to hold true to that promise. otherwise im a sucky aunt. im a sucky aunt anyway. but im just following the family tradition of not making an effort.

i think jason has RLS. i need to talk to bill about it. i also need to go swimming with him- bill not jason. though jason can come too. (hott)

somehow i need to motivate myself to go to the gym. or do some sort of physical activity. i think i dont like my gym because its filled with young in-shape people. jasons gym was better. it was all older people (because its practically a mortgage payment to go there)

mmm, even though im sickeningly full, ethiopian food sounds good.

i guess i should work.

well, since you asked...

i had a fantabulous birthday week!

there are those years where you just dont feel as special or loved on your birthday as you had hoped. it has nothing to do with gifts, or cake. its just the general feeling. that particular person didnt call, or the day is going as all other days normally go- nothing really magical about it.

this was not one of those years.

i got flowers, presents, balloons, flowers, drinks, flowers, presents, dinner, breakfast ( a PHENOMENAL breakfast btw), a kayak trip, birthday cards, dinner, a karaoke night, lots of beer, more presents, cake, a harry potter date and some popcorn. there were lots of people who sent me emails, or myspace messages or called. people babysat so other people could come out to celebrate... i just felt very loved.

sigh...

it was also one of the worst birthdays ive ever had.

kayaking for nearly 5 hours had left my arms very very tired and i figured i would hate life the next day. little did i know i would be hating life that night. there were sharp aches in my arms while singing my heart out- i busted out some tricky by run dmc though, lemme tell you. they got worse as the night progressed until it was time to leave. by the time i got home i was weeping. ive never in my life experienced a pain like that. and i know you moms out there can contest that you have felt a pain far greater. i dont deny you that. i havent been there yet, so achy arms is what i get to bitch about... it wasnt muscles. it wasnt even joints. if bone marrow could be sore, thats what it felt like. no. if bone marrow could be kicked in the balls... yeah, a little like that. i laid awake on my couch until 5am that morning in agonizing pain. (jason tried to take care of me, but to karaoke he had to get a little (read a lot) sauced, and eventually passed out). i finally fell asleep for a few hours and when i woke up- completely better. no soreness at all. its like i laid around all day the day before.

go figure.

my coworker chalks the quick recovery up to my being young. at which i enjoy the irony of it happening on my birthday- the day i turn a year older. im still very much a young'un of course... just with an old soul. and apparently old marrow.

tomorrow! tomorrow! i love ya tomorrow!

in the narcissistic spirit of continuously talking about my birthday and how much i love it, i give you this:

i have some really vague memories of this movie, but loved it because the year i saw it, my birthday was slated to fall on a saturday. (i think i have also convinced myself that the year i was born the 14th as also a saturday, but im wrong there. after further investigation, it was a monday).

i know the movie was a comedy spoof, but i was young enough that it was still scary to me (what isnt, really?) and had believed that friday the 13th is bad luck, but saturday the 14th, whoa buddy! you better watch out! in fact, until finding this poster, i thought the tag line for the movie was "you thought friday the 13th was bad. but saturday the 14th is waaaay worse."

wow.

(i am realizing as i write it that its almost like going back and reading a paper you wrote in grade school. one you were really proud of and still kind of hold on to some of that pride... only to reread and realize you sounded like a complete douche)

anyway. i should see it again. i bet its an amazing piece of cinematography that i did not fully appreciate in my youth...

btw, this is what those illustrated representations of benjamin and paula look like now:

have a happy weekend y'all. ill see you on the flip side another year older :D!

birthday week

in case you didnt know, this week, and more than likely, next, is my birthday week.
to celebrate, i got a bouquet of balloons at work!

the axe

is ax usually spelled with an "e?" also this is one of those instances where it just doesnt seem right to put the punctuation INSIDE the quote.

i digress.

a coworker of mine was fired yesterday. i cant say it was a surprise. he wasnt doing his job and was making work harder for everyone involved. but you gotta feel bad for the guy. he is a nice person.

ive never been in an office, or anywhere for that matter, where someone was fired- save the hole in the wall bar i waitressed at, but that seemed different. a few people knew what was happening yesterday and when it was going to happen... which made things worse. i liken it to being at the top of one of those drop rides- lets go with the tower of terror. you know its inevitably going to happen, you just dont know WHEN.

tangent: did you hear, btw, about the little girl who lost her feet on one of those rides?! it sounds like there should be a punchline after that, but theres not. poor little girl. i wont ever ride one of those again, i can assure you. the last time i rode one we got all strapped in and up to the top and i panicked. i was grabbing for the belt to release (panic is not good for clarity). i just wanted out. then it was over. never ever agin.

and back: so he packed up his stuff and left last night. i had already left to catch the bus, but got a play by play via text as i was riding home:

"i can hear him putting things in a paper bag."
"someone just went over to talk to him."
"they are changing the codes tonight."
"he seems pissed."
"i think he left. he didnt say anything."
"oh, no, hes still here. what's he still doing here?"
and from the person that had to do the firing who was told to make herself scarce afterwards, "im hiding in the lunchroom until he leaves and need many many drinks."

and that is my experience of being in the office when someone was fired.

catch up.

in the last month and a half:

jason went to china for work. we are pretty conviced he has sars. he also brought me back some elephant candle-ettes (they are so cute and tiny), a chinese book on calligraphy (written IN chinese) and a calligraphy set ("i dont know how to use it," i say. "read the book," he responds). he was the most excited about the knock off louis vuitton purse and wallet he got me. im on the fence on this. its a cute purse and a cute wallet- if it didnt have a logo all over it. but hes so excited and proud of it. i guess he was in a store and they knocked on the wall. all of a sudden they were in a secret back room. ive carried it a few times. im curious what kind of person people think i am with that bag...

jasons parents came to visit. we had a good time with them. his mom cleaned our entire house. apparently the surface cleaning we did before they came did not suffice. we went to a nice dinner. i pulled a move my dad LOVES to use- get up to go to the bathroom and pay the bill in secret. all in all is it was a good visit though i am still convinced parents come to visit to remind us why we moved out in the first place.

i went to san francisco to see my friend lisa (sorry kc!). i havent been down there since i moved almost 3 years ago. it was like i never left- after i got over saying "I cant believe im back in san francisco" i mean. there was a lot of drinking and shopping involved. we went to the north beach festival on saturday. i drank too much and i had to wake up for the super shuttle at 4 am. turbulence and a hangover are NOT friends. fyi.

we went to a beer festival last weekend. i learned i like barley wine. jason learned he cant hang out at a beer festival all day and then come home to tall glasses of whiskey and coke. who knew?

wednesday was the 4th. it was filled with kebabs (not shish, because as i learned that day shish refers to lamb) pasta salad, sangria and cornhole. we built our own set. we are currently "discussing" how to design it. so far we have some vertical stripes. i even sewed the bean bags until my sewing machine broke. it was exciting to introduce our friends to the game. the fireworks were perfect from our deck, but a little awkwardly long.

in the meantime work has been crazy. ive been getting in at 645 am each morning and going all day long and well into the night. i see a light at the end of the tunnel. but its a really really long tunnel.

and that brings us t up to speed.

next weekend is my birthday. i LOVE my birthday. really, i love anyone's birthday. if it werent for that day, that person wouldnt be in your life. its exciting. and its nice that everyone has at least one day during the year that people celebrate them. i know it sounds a little fluffy, but its true. and next weekend is MY day :D well, mine and a few friends who share it, along with matthew fox from lost and france's independence day (aka bastille day).

the end.

a couple of things

1. good god it was beautiful today.

2. how has no one commented on the funniest video ever?

Tag

my friend shell-i tagged me. this means you lucky lucky readers get to know 7 random things about me... in no particular order...

1. my mom splurged and got me an american doll when i was 10 or so. my brother told me she looked like chuckys sister. i slept with her until i was 14 so she couldnt get away in the night. my mom thought i just loved her. i gave her to my niece as revenge on my brother.

2. i was born on 7.14 and weighed 7 lbs 14 oz. i think thats neat. i share my birthday with a lot of people in my life. and ive always hated that. i also hated that i had a summer birthday and as a result, was lumped together at the end of the school year with all the other summmer birthdays. but i liked that my birthday was bastille day and have always felt somewhat french because of this.

3. i am, to this day, proud of the valentine box i made in the 5th grade. it was a one-eyed, one-eared flying purple valentine eater and the valetines went in his mouth. i was a creative genius then.

4. my 18th great uncle was miles standish (captian of the mayflower). when i was 12 i found a beautiful shell bracelet on his beach and automatically thought it was his gift to me. im sorry for whoever lost her bracelet.

5. careers i wanted before i became a graphic designer: math teacher, orthodontist.

6. if i could have one superpower it would be to breathe underwater. i remember being jealous of the highlander when he was underwater. and looking back, im not sure if that really happened in the movie or if i imagined it.

7. speaking of dreams, i used to have 2 recurring dreams as a kid. the first involved a kid named kevin who liked me in second grade. he would come over to my house while we were packing to move.. once i let him in he would turn into a werewolf and run upstairs to steal all my toys. the second, i was always waking up in the middle of the night to look for my parents. they were always asleep in my brother's old room downstairs. i would find them and then head back to my room, but i would step on a rock on the way. the rock would turn into a witch and chase me up the stairs and back to bed. i think my dad let me watch too many scary movies. to this day i look behind me as i go up stairs.

ok, your turn. tag, youre it:
beth
billy
aggie

hahahahahahahahhahah. i feel for this guy though. seriously.

mr bento

this:
is a mr bento.

an old classmate of mine got one as a birthday gift, and it got me researching.

its essentially a thermos with some fancy tupperware inside. but its got a fun little name. and the containers are itty bitty and fun to fill with lunchtime goodness.

theres also a mr bento porn group on flickr.com. people take pictures of their bento lunches. i took my first one today. im sure ill upload it in a few weeks... but so far i recommend it.

mine came with a spork... theres actually something really soothing about having a metal spork. id only experienced them in plastic. its like my childhood, bronzed.

i dunno. i just know everyone should have a mr bento.

my bike to work team needs your help!

http://www.cbcef.org/contest/vote.cfm?contest=8

our team name is gang green. and we can really use your vote! (dont worry about registering). while some, i hesitate now to say, FRIENDS have pointed out that they like other names better, its more of an obligatory vote so we can bask in the glory of greatness. help me bask.

thank you in advance for your love and support!

camping!!!

like those people who try to have a bbq when its still freezing out and end up bundled up on their couch with a paper plate full of grilled chicken and corn on the cob, we are going camping prematurely in honor of jasons bday. woohoo!

and the only reason i write this is so that the last post on my blog for 5 days isnt the picture of me. because while im very narcissistic, i dont want to APPEAR that way.

see you in a few days bitches.

my hair

it looks much more like a bob in this pic than it actually is...
and thats miles. hes one of the many seattle babies. and hes cute.